I’m scared that I’m giving up.

Part of writing this blog for me is also facing my fears and coming to terms with certain situations in my life. I’ve been unemployed for a while now and lately I’ve been receiving negative news a lot. I won’t lie, this has been discouraging me for a while and I sometimes feel a bit depressed. I look at my experiences and qualifications and think: why not me? Why am I not being picked and all that and it’s been taking a toll on me. I sometimes even think of giving up. Why shouldn’t l? Its not like things are going my way.

We all go through that right? We all get these moments when we feel sad for ourselves. When things don’t go our way we want to quit. We only see the negative things around us and sometimes they are overwhelming. It’s hard to find the positive in situations whereby your bursary application has been declined, job application, university application and even downloading applications gets declined. It’s hard to see the silver lining when you are in the middle of a storm. Rejection makes us want to give up.

I’m scared that I want to give up. I’m scared that when I do give up I’m going to feel sorry for myself and blame the world for all my decisions and misfortune. Isn’t that what usually happens anyway? A person gives up on anything and then spiral into a deep depression, throw a pity party and blame the world for their misery. Nope, I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to become a burden. You know as I type this I realise that I feel like giving up but the thought of giving up scares me.

Honestly, hope of getting that job I want is what gets me up in the morning. I look at myself and my family and think this can’t be it. That’s because deep down I know that there is more for me out there. I guess as human beings, hope is what gets us up in the morning and is the reason why we keep doing the things we do for the betterment of our lives, because we know and we can feel that there is more that life has to offer. There is more for us out there and that alone is enough for us to keep pushing and not giving up.

Giving up is so easy and tempting. Sometimes situations trick us into believing that things are worse than they seem. A few job rejection letters can make you feel like you are not good enough and no one will hire you, that bursary rejection note can make you feel like you will never get to further your studies and in those moments all you see is negativity.The saddest thing about all that is that giving up is so easy that all you have to do is quit. Quitting takes away all the pain of rejection but quitting comes with regret.

I’ve thought about it and again, the price for giving up seems too great. What if at that very moment that I decide to give up, I miss an interview with one of the companies I want to be a part of? What if you give up on something and yet you are so close to its break through? It’s not easy nor is it fun to keep getting rejected but maybe that means you and I should reflect on what we have been doing for so long and try to change the formula. As I write this I’m not only writing for you but I’m also talking to myself. I can’t give up. I just can’t.

Moral of the post
Giving up is easy. You don’t have to do much, all you have to do is just stop. Stop doing all that you have been doing, stop loading data or getting up in the morning to look for a job, stop looking and applying for college or university. Just stop. However when you do, you must be prepared for a life of sadness, depression and regret. It’s normal to feel like giving up when things don’t go our way but that doesn’t mean we should. When things don’t go our way, we must keep pushing. It won’t be winter all year, seasons change and one day it will be summer.

Remember, Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

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What your fear is doing to you

My teacher once asked me what my biggest fear in life was and I said failure. No, I didn’t mean failing tests or grades, I meant failure as in failure to be anything or achieve anything in life. Side note, my classmates looked at me like I was crazy because ‘normal’ people are scared of snakes, heights and all that is visible and rational. Oh yeah, back to the post: I carried this for a long time and looking back, I realise that fear of failure held me back. I know I’m not the only one with a fear people think is irrational and crazy but that’s what fear is: it’s irrational and crazy.

It’s sad because I let fear of failure stop me from doing anything in life. I don’t know how to swim and I’m scared I’ll fail at it so I don’t go near any swimming pool. I’m good with people and crowds but I didn’t engage with people because I was scared that I wouldn’t sound smart or wouldn’t fit in so I became a loner. Everything I didn’t do or had fear of doing, I didn’t do because I didn’t want to be bad at it or fail at it. Looking back now I realise that I let a lot of things pass me by and I didn’t live to the fullest because I was scared I wouldn’t be good at it. I locked myself up in a prison of fear.

If you (whoever is reading this) would look at my blog record you’d see that I started this blog in 2015 but the amount of posts I have don’t show that and the reason is because I was scared no one would read my posts, no one would comment or I didn’t know what I was talking about. I was scared and writing this post now I realise that I held myself back. Truth is, had I faced my fears head on then I’d be better by now. I’d be a better writer, I’d have more followers and honestly I would’ve faced my fear a long time ago. I guess I had to see now, how this fear of failure paralysed me.

Fear, any fear is a prison. We lock ourselves up in fear of the unknown that we don’t reach our full potential and we stop living. This blog for me is just one foot out of that prison. If I didn’t fear failure maybe I would’ve achieved more than I know, maybe my life wouldn’t be the way it is and maybe a lot of things. I can’t know for sure because I gave into fear and I’m not the only one. Fear stops us from progress really, we get scared of falling in love, of having fun, of starting something because we are afraid it won’t work but the sad truth is that not doing anything is the worst form of punishment.

Fear feeds off itself. If you become too afraid to do anything then you are not going to do anything in life. You won’t know love, you won’t write anything, you won’t get to climb the highest mountain. Another thing about fear is that it leads to regrets. You end up living a life filled with bitterness and regret because you couldn’t master up the courage to just do it (I think I’m in love with the Nike slogan now more than ever). You end up resenting other people and being bitter about their success for doing what you should’ve done but didn’t because you were too afraid.

Moral of the post
We all have fears but that doesn’t mean we should let fear rule our lives. Fear stops us from living and reaching our full potential. It steals from us and if we continue to lock ourselves in the prison of fear then we stop ourselves from reaching our goals. We end up resenting others and being bitter because they are doing what we could do if we weren’t so scared. So we must find the courage to face our fears if we want to live lives without regret.

Remember live, love, learn and be happy

ONCE YOU START, DON’T GIVE UP

An awesome thing about a new year is all its promises. The new year presents us with a chance to start over, live better, budget, go to the gym, quit smoking and even find love amongst other things. We make new years resolutions because we want more from ourselves and the year. We want more from life. We make plans because we’ve learned from the previous year on what to do and the new year gives us the opportunity to show all that. That’s why the beginning of a new year is so awesome, it’s like being given a second chance and with that, we have hope, chance and possibilities.

As much as the new year brings with it many possibilities, it also comes with challenges. You see, the toughest thing about starting over, making plans and resolutions is maintaining them and being consistent. When the year starts we are motivated but a few weeks or months down the line we are back to eating junk food instead of going to the gym, we stopped working on that company we started and give up on other things. The thing is, as the year goes, we realise that it’s just another year, its not very different from the previous one and lose motivation.

Lack of motivation and consistency are two of the toughest challenges in doing anything productive in life. However, they are just challenges and challenges don’t mean we give up and let go. They mean we have to be strong, consistent and not give up. Truth is, we won’t be full of energy and motivated everyday but we must keep pushing. We need to motivate ourselves when we feel like we can’t go on any more. It’s very easy to give up on something, the challenge is to not give up. We have to learn to take the good with the bad, the easy with the hard and the sweet with the bitter.

When we realise and accept that challenges are a part of life then things become a bit easier. Challenges teach us more about ourselves, they show us our strengths, weaknesses and teach us how to do better and find solutions. Once we realise all this and continue with gym, that company we started or anything we planned to do then it becomes easier to go on and even fighting for it. We need to fight for it to survive. It can be a relationship, a business, a blog, a company, anything really. We have to stay motivated, face challenges and have fun.

If we are not having fun then all of it is pointless. We should enjoy the process. We shouldn’t feel trapped, angry and bitter when we do something. Those feelings either mean we don’t want to do whatever it is we are doing and they are a recipe for giving up. If we don’t like what we are doing and don’t have the motivation to do it then it’s pointless to do it. Of course there are times when we will feel like giving up but that’s what passion and motivation are for. It’s not easy to give up on something that you love and when you are motivated to do it then it becomes easier and worth it.

Moral of the post:
The year has just begun and with it comes a lot of possibilities and opportunities. Grab those opportunities and make the best of them as you go along. Yes, you will stumble along the way and face challenges but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. The best thing you can do is to remain consistent and motivated. Do things you love and enjoy, don’t pressure yourself and no matter what, keep going.

Live, Love, Learn and be Happy

LESSONS FROM 2018

When the year ends we always focus on what could’ve been or what should’ve happened. We usually sum up the end of a year with all the bad things that happened to us and rarely look at the good too. I’m saying this because I’m also guilty of it. I found myself reflecting on 2018 as the worst year ever but in truth so was 2017,2016 and so on and so forth. The truth is every year has its challenges and that’s what life is, life is about challenges.

I found myself looking at all the people and things I lost, missed opportunities, things I could’ve done better and how I let myself down. I kept on beating myself up over all that and I know I’m not alone in this. Every year we make resolutions and have all these expectations but when things don’t go our way we sulk, give up and close the year off as the worst.

In truth no one can say they’ve had the best year, they just managed to make the best of the year and that’s what we should do. Take each day as it comes, live, learn and move on.

Yes 2018 was a tough year but it was also a good year in its own way. I learned a lot in 2018 and I’d like to share what I learned with you.

1. NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.

It can be pain, happiness, loss, change or whatever you are going through. It doesn’t last forever. Situations come and go, seasons change, we cry and we laugh, we lose and we gain. It’s all a part of life. It’s not permanent, so you must experience it, live it and and learn from it.

2. THERE IS A LESSON SOMEWHERE

When something bad happens we always cry and shut down but that shouldn’t always be the case. Sometimes there is a lesson in situations we go through and all we need to is open our eyes and try to find the lesson in whatever we are going through.

3. ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD SOMETIMES

I bet even Batman feels lousy once in a while. Nobody is perfect and we need to understand that. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, emotional or any negative emotion out there. Life gets us down and it will get us down so it’s okay to feel bad. You can’t be jolly and full of smiles when you fail an exam or find out your puppy died. Feel whatever emotion you are going through and after all that pull yourself together.

4. SOMETIMES A LOSS ISN’T A LOSS

I know it doesn’t make sense but trust me, sometimes a loss is a gain. Losing bad friends is not a loss, letting go of toxic relationships and people in life is not a loss, losing anything that doesn’t benefit you is not a loss at all. It’s all good, you gained something. You might not feel like it but letting go of bad things will do you good.

5. YOU ARE YOUR OWN HINDRANCE

I won’t get much into this because our situations are not the same but sometimes the end result is always the same. Sometimes you want to try something or go somewhere but you can’t because you have mixed feelings or you are not too sure or you are scared and you experience all those emotions that stop you from actually doing something. That’s you stopping yourself from living and possibly your breakthrough, stop self doubting and just go with it.

6. COMFORT IS DANGEROUS

Being too comfortable in any situation is dangerous because it can stop you from doing anything. You get so comfortable in a situation that you don’t see when it’s detrimental. Get out of your comfort zone and you will achieve many things. You can never lose anything because it’s all about learning.

7. MOVE ON

There is no point in focusing on the past and what should’ve or could’ve been. If it happened, it happened and if it didn’t then it didn’t so move on and stop holding on to ghosts of the past.

8. SET REALISTIC GOALS

It’s awesome to have goals, goals are why we get up in the morning. We aspire to be someone, we hope to achieve something, we want to amount to something and we can only do so with goals. Goals help us achieve our dreams, so that’s why they must be realistic. You can’t wake up in the morning and say your goal is to be a different race. That’s just insane. Set goals that you can and will achieve, set goals that are realistic and will get you to where you want to be in life.

9. IT’S OKAY TO BE SELFISH

I always say this to my friends, it’s okay to be selfish with yourself, time and emotion. Sometimes you need to invest in yourself, take time out just for you to focus on you. It’s okay to want to be alone and focus on your career or hobby or whatever really. You don’t have to please everyone.

10. LOVE YOURSELF TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

I can’t stress this enough, LOVE YOURSELF. It doesn’t matter whether you are big or small, fat or thin, whether you have scars or not or whether you are rich or poor. Nobody is ever going to love you as much as you love yourself so you might as well do it and do it to the fullest.

Happy 2019.

Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

Don’t let expectations hinder your progress

Its been a long time since I’ve done this, it feels strangely good to be honest. I thought I lost my will to write but it turns out all I needed to do was just write and it would come back to me. I know where I went wrong and I know why. The truth is we expect too much from ourselves and when we fall short , we break down and just give up. I did that. I had huge expectations of myself, my blog and writing experiences that when I didnt see all that happening the way I saw it in my head I got disappointed.

The truth is sometimes expectations can kill us. I mean we expect so much that during that process we only focus on what we expecting and we dont look at our achievements. We focus on one thing but while we are doing that, life happens. We meet challenges, we go in different directions, we fail, we succeed and overall we live.

In 2018 I realised that sometimes our expectations can hurt our progress. Dont get me wrong, I’m not saying that expectations are the devil, im just saying its good to also go with the flow, don’t expect too much and when we dont meet our expectations then it’s also okay. Life happens. As much as we can plan, scheme and try to control situations, life happens.

Happy 2019. To a year filled with love, laughter, lessons and less expectations.

People will use you and abuse you. Learn

Imagine this, you want to eat cereal but you are out of milk, what do you do? You go to the shop, you buy milk and pay the shopkeeper his money. You get home and enjoy your cereal with milk. This is a mutually beneficial relationship. You didn’t take the milk and leave or the shopkeeper didn’t demand money without giving you your milk. This relationship is the type that you need in your life. A relationship in which you get something that benefits you and so does the other person. You can’t be in a one sided relationship. You can’t keep giving and giving and giving until there is nothing left to give. The other person can’t keep demanding and taking and asking all the time. That’s selfish and not only that but it’s toxic to you.

We all need each other, no man is an island. Even the richest person out there needs someone to share their riches with. We are human and we depend on each other, even for the smallest things. Thus we form relationships, however we need to be careful of the same relationships that we form. You need to know what you are getting from someone as much as you know what you are giving to them.

There are certain relationships or rather people you need to stay away from. You need to stay away from people who take advantage of you. People tend to use others and take advantage of them for various reasons. Sometimes it’s to feel superior and dominate them. This type of person you should beware of because they are bullies and you don’t need a bully in your life. Being bullied is not only physical, it can also be emotional. A person can make you do things you don’t want or say nasty things to you all the time. They can also make you smile and make you happy temporarily.

It doesn’t matter if they make you smile for five seconds. A smile for a few seconds is nothing compared to smiling for a life time because you are with the right person. You need to let go of such people who use and bully you emotionally and physically.

The worst thing about keeping people who use you around is that even if you tell them how you feel they will either act innocent, ask for forgiveness and repeat it all over again. These people are manipulative, they can lie, cheat and even charm their way out of any situation. It’s like being with a cheating boyfriend. When you confront him he will play the victim, lie, tell you what you want to hear and continue cheating. You can’t have that in your life. It’s unhealthy and you are not growing in such a relationship.

Sometimes you need to look at the situation and weigh your options. You can either stay with a person who will continue to abuse you and you will feel crappy about yourself or you can let go and cut off all toxic people in your life and grow as an individual. It’s all up to you.

Stop beating yourself up, you are human

Sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly, we become too hard on ourselves and we forget that we are not perfect, we are just human. We tend to expect a lot from ourselves and when we don’t meet our expectations we judge ourselves and see ourselves as failures.

Sometimes we just need to breathe and acknowledge the fact that we stuff up and that’s part of life. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We go through situations-major emphasis on through. We don’t only stay in bad situations but we go through them. Maybe we don’t emerge victorious but we get life lessons and maybe that’s why we go through certain things. I recently started feeling like a failure because I couldn’t find the job I studied for. That knocked down my confidence and I started feeling crappy about myself. I won’t lie I sometimes still do but what’s important is how I emerge from all this and the lessons I’ve learned. I realized that if I can’t get the job I want then I might as well create the job I want and that’s starting to give me satisfaction. Now, had I stayed in that state of mind that I failed myself and those around me then I wouldn’t have had the courage to do something about it. I’m teaching myself to look at the ‘beyond’ of a situation. It’s not easy but it makes life worthwhile.

Maybe that’s what we should do, instead of beating ourselves up we must just cry ( yes I said cry or even scream or whatever that makes you feel better) and after crying we must wipe those tears and look beyond what we see. Obviously you won’t cry and then boom! everything is magically all right. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes acceptance.

I had to accept my situation in order to be able to face it and get out of it. I respect recovering addicts. It takes a lot to admit that you have a problem and then do something about it instead of just beating yourself up over and over again.

The first step is admitting that you messed up or that you were defeated in whatever it is. Then accepting that it is painful or rather acknowledge the pain and go through all sorts of emotions. It’s okay to cry, it actually takes guts to allow yourself to feel emotional. It doesn’t matter which emotion. After acknowledging the problem and the pain, you sit down and look at the situation and what it’s saying to you or about you. You then listen and you learn. After all that you start over at a different angle and you do better. You need to tell yourself that it’s okay to mess up but what matters is how you pick yourself up and clean the mess.

You are human, not a robot so you are bound to make mistakes and lose things in life, it’s part of the journey. It happens. Life has no manual or no chip that gets implanted in others so that they have it all figured out. No one has it figured out but it’s all on how they look at the situation. I’ve yet to meet someone who says they’ve figured it out. Not even your pastor (no disrespect). Life has a way of tripping us, sometimes I think it’s because it wants to see how strong we are and how we react to situations but I know for a fact that mostly it is to teach us something.

You don’t hit or cuss a baby out for falling off a bicycle, either you push them or you buy them training wheels. So why do you hurt yourself by judging yourself and telling yourself that you are stupid or weak for falling off. Why not get training wheels? Why not ask for help? It’s okay to fall off. All that matters is how you emerge after falling off. You can either judge yourself or you can look for a better alternative. It’s all up to you.