LESSONS FROM 2018

When the year ends we always focus on what could’ve been or what should’ve happened. We usually sum up the end of a year with all the bad things that happened to us and rarely look at the good too. I’m saying this because I’m also guilty of it. I found myself reflecting on 2018 as the worst year ever but in truth so was 2017,2016 and so on and so forth. The truth is every year has its challenges and that’s what life is, life is about challenges.

I found myself looking at all the people and things I lost, missed opportunities, things I could’ve done better and how I let myself down. I kept on beating myself up over all that and I know I’m not alone in this. Every year we make resolutions and have all these expectations but when things don’t go our way we sulk, give up and close the year off as the worst.

In truth no one can say they’ve had the best year, they just managed to make the best of the year and that’s what we should do. Take each day as it comes, live, learn and move on.

Yes 2018 was a tough year but it was also a good year in its own way. I learned a lot in 2018 and I’d like to share what I learned with you.

1. NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.

It can be pain, happiness, loss, change or whatever you are going through. It doesn’t last forever. Situations come and go, seasons change, we cry and we laugh, we lose and we gain. It’s all a part of life. It’s not permanent, so you must experience it, live it and and learn from it.

2. THERE IS A LESSON SOMEWHERE

When something bad happens we always cry and shut down but that shouldn’t always be the case. Sometimes there is a lesson in situations we go through and all we need to is open our eyes and try to find the lesson in whatever we are going through.

3. ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD SOMETIMES

I bet even Batman feels lousy once in a while. Nobody is perfect and we need to understand that. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, emotional or any negative emotion out there. Life gets us down and it will get us down so it’s okay to feel bad. You can’t be jolly and full of smiles when you fail an exam or find out your puppy died. Feel whatever emotion you are going through and after all that pull yourself together.

4. SOMETIMES A LOSS ISN’T A LOSS

I know it doesn’t make sense but trust me, sometimes a loss is a gain. Losing bad friends is not a loss, letting go of toxic relationships and people in life is not a loss, losing anything that doesn’t benefit you is not a loss at all. It’s all good, you gained something. You might not feel like it but letting go of bad things will do you good.

5. YOU ARE YOUR OWN HINDRANCE

I won’t get much into this because our situations are not the same but sometimes the end result is always the same. Sometimes you want to try something or go somewhere but you can’t because you have mixed feelings or you are not too sure or you are scared and you experience all those emotions that stop you from actually doing something. That’s you stopping yourself from living and possibly your breakthrough, stop self doubting and just go with it.

6. COMFORT IS DANGEROUS

Being too comfortable in any situation is dangerous because it can stop you from doing anything. You get so comfortable in a situation that you don’t see when it’s detrimental. Get out of your comfort zone and you will achieve many things. You can never lose anything because it’s all about learning.

7. MOVE ON

There is no point in focusing on the past and what should’ve or could’ve been. If it happened, it happened and if it didn’t then it didn’t so move on and stop holding on to ghosts of the past.

8. SET REALISTIC GOALS

It’s awesome to have goals, goals are why we get up in the morning. We aspire to be someone, we hope to achieve something, we want to amount to something and we can only do so with goals. Goals help us achieve our dreams, so that’s why they must be realistic. You can’t wake up in the morning and say your goal is to be a different race. That’s just insane. Set goals that you can and will achieve, set goals that are realistic and will get you to where you want to be in life.

9. IT’S OKAY TO BE SELFISH

I always say this to my friends, it’s okay to be selfish with yourself, time and emotion. Sometimes you need to invest in yourself, take time out just for you to focus on you. It’s okay to want to be alone and focus on your career or hobby or whatever really. You don’t have to please everyone.

10. LOVE YOURSELF TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

I can’t stress this enough, LOVE YOURSELF. It doesn’t matter whether you are big or small, fat or thin, whether you have scars or not or whether you are rich or poor. Nobody is ever going to love you as much as you love yourself so you might as well do it and do it to the fullest.

Happy 2019.

Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

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Don’t let expectations hinder your progress

Its been a long time since I’ve done this, it feels strangely good to be honest. I thought I lost my will to write but it turns out all I needed to do was just write and it would come back to me. I know where I went wrong and I know why. The truth is we expect too much from ourselves and when we fall short , we break down and just give up. I did that. I had huge expectations of myself, my blog and writing experiences that when I didnt see all that happening the way I saw it in my head I got disappointed.

The truth is sometimes expectations can kill us. I mean we expect so much that during that process we only focus on what we expecting and we dont look at our achievements. We focus on one thing but while we are doing that, life happens. We meet challenges, we go in different directions, we fail, we succeed and overall we live.

In 2018 I realised that sometimes our expectations can hurt our progress. Dont get me wrong, I’m not saying that expectations are the devil, im just saying its good to also go with the flow, don’t expect too much and when we dont meet our expectations then it’s also okay. Life happens. As much as we can plan, scheme and try to control situations, life happens.

Happy 2019. To a year filled with love, laughter, lessons and less expectations.

Why do we always need a Batman to save us?

Why does Gotham City need Batman, why does New York City need Spidey? Why do we need heroes? Why do we need someone to save us? Why is it that we always want someone to hold our hands? Why is it that we can’t do somethings for ourselves? Why? We always need to be pushed, we need to be told what to do and how to do it. Even if we know what to do we just need someone to tell us to do it. Why can’t we just do things ourselves? Why not just pick the broom up and sweep the floor without waiting for your mom to tell you to do it? Why not buy the grocery instead of hoping someone else will do it?

I sometimes get angry at myself when I look at all that I could’ve done instead of waiting for someone to tell me I can do it. I know I can do it, I have the capabilities to do it, I’m just lazy. I know I’m not the only one. You just sit there and think “starting my own logistics company would work, I know I’m good and transport management and I know where to start but…’. You always think or come up with great ideas but you never implement them and that’s the problem. Imagine if you were to get up and start that company by yourself without needing someone to tell you “hey that’s a very good idea.” Of course it’s a good idea, its just that you are so lazy that you are waiting for someone one to give you that company. Oh brother. No, I’m not judging harshly because I’ve been in that very same boat. We just need to get up. That’s it.

Imagine if Gotham city had no Batman, Gotham would probably still have crime but the police and other law enforcement officials would do their jobs. Police wouldn’t be lazying around eating donuts and taking breaks because they know that Batman is on it. The same way you don’t need someone to tell you to do something because you know you are able. You’ve got this.

When people offer to do things for us we often take advantage of it and ultimately feel that the person was supposed to do what they did even if it was our responsibility. We feel entitled. We have no sense of gratitude. Gotham believes that Batman should be out there looking for criminals, which is not the case. Batman could also be sitting at home, drinking his very expensive drinks. He doesn’t have to save anyone.

Once upon a time I also thought I needed someone to help me, someone to save me. Why couldn’t I just get up and save myself? Even if I would’ve failed, the point would be that I tried. Sometimes as a person you just need to be honest with yourself and do it for yourself. I’m not saying don’t ask for help, no. I’m just saying try it on your own and see how it goes before you depend on others.

We all have our own things to deal with and as much as we would like to help others , we first need to help ourselves. We need to gather up the courage to start a business instead of hoping someone will hire us. We must just master the courage to speak to that special someone with dimples and that oh so charming smile instead of sending our friends over to do it. In this life people can be there for you and at some point people can leave you. There are many reasons why people leave. That’s not what I’m focusing on. What I’m trying to show you is that people don’t always need to be with you or they won’t always be with you . One day you will be on your own. The question is when your support system leaves you one day how will you survive? How will you know that you need to cross your t’s and dot your i’s. If you are so used to people doing things for you when will you ever do anything for yourself. When will you grow up?

Trust me if I had my own Batman to fix every single mess I’ve made then I’d be the happiest person around but I’d also be the most useless person around too. What would I be good at? How would ie know my talents ? How would I learn from any mistake and how would I make mistakes in the first place because as long as Batman is there I wouldn’t need to do anything. I’d just need to breathe.

Heroes are good for a certain period in time. The same way as asking for help. You can only ask for so much. You can’t keep asking for help on things you know and you are good at. Yes, you can ask for advice and listen to certain opinions and even put those to work. That doesn’t mean you should become a leech.

Save yourself once in a while . Be independent , take a chance, fall off and get back up. I always do my happy dance when I’ve actually completed or achieved something on my own. So imagine doing your own happy dance when you finally achieve something without being nagged, pushed or better yet, without Batman. There is nothing wrong with asking for help but there is also nothing wrong with doing it yourself. Who knows you might also develop your own happy dance.

You are politically incorrect young one.

  

A meme that summarizes some of the youth’s view on politics. Photo credit. http://www.deviant.com 

Politics, politics, politics. Who is interested in them and who should be interested in them? I realized that many of my friends were not interested in politics and didn’t know much of many political figures. I am not political myself but there is a little knowledge around  the topic. We were sitting on campus and the upcoming elections for the student representative council were the topic for the day and the discussion did not go much further. We also discussed global politics, or at least tried to until that discussion also ran out of steam. I realized that they did not know and did not care. I wanted to know if this was only amongst my friends or if it was something around the youth.

I started asking young people about current political affairs, not only in varsity but on a global scale and realized  that many young people do not know. The only time they discuss politics is when something is trending on social media or a funny clip of parliament posted on YouTube. Many did not know certain political figures and their office. The youth is interested in ‘who was wearing what’ at a certain event but do not know what is happening in their country. I asked why wasn’t there any interest in politics and the answers were pretty much the same. Politicians speak a very different and difficult language, therefore making them hard to understand and they are boring. Therefore they don’t spark interest and entertain much unless something chaotic or ‘funny’ happens.

Not knowing the ‘not entertaining part’ because politics are pretty much serious, the running of a country cannot be funny and made entertaining, politicians can try speak a language that we all can understand so that people can be interested, learn and participate. Politics should not only be made  understandable during election time when politicians or candidates are looking for voters but it should be a daily thing. Politics are for anyone and everyone living in a certain country.

Learn to appreciate your own.

Why should we look outside our own countries to find inspiration?

A group of students will be hosting a female empowerment seminar and they have very interesting pictures on their poster. The poster was suppose to depict strong, empowering and beautiful women such as Beyoncé, Oprah Winfrey, Michele Obama  and other American influential and powerful women. I looked at the poster and the poster is made by South Africans in South Africa with women from America. I am not hating on these women, they truly have been an inspiration and played vital roles in how women are perceived today but what puzzled me is that couldn’t they find South African women for the poster to make it more relevant or am I just being a spiteful blogger?

It’s not about being a patriot or anything like that, it’s just that when will people start appreciating their own. There are women such as Lilian Ngoyi, Miriam Makeba, Sibongile Khumalo, the current Bonang Matheba to name a few. Can’t we celebrate them and see them as women who have made a success of themselves, some in politics, some as humanitarians and some in the entertainment industry?

I looked at the media as a whole and realized that maybe the reason we do not celebrate our own is because the only way many women are depicted in media is in a scandalous story or just in bad light. None of their achievements are highlighted like many of the mistakes that they have made. Yes they make mistakes, they are human too. But then I realized that people are now focused on the gossip and the flashy lifestyle that they do not want to become like humanitarians and politicians but only want fame and are focused of the gossips that come with it. It’s trending and it’s what makes them relevant.



Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka United Nations Under-Secretary-General and Executive Director of UN Women. She was South African Deputy President from 2005 to 2008.   Photo credit: http://www.iisd.co.za

I have no problem in Beyoncé being a role model for people by why can’t Bonang also be a role model, I don’t have a problem against Hillary Clinton being called a powerful politician but what about Phumzile Mlambo Ngcuka. These women are the golden jewels of their countries, they have a big influence on people but South Africa also has its own diamonds too, not only South Africa but every country has its own forceful and powerful women that have shaped it and it’s culture. People need to identify with their own and not celebrate people from other countries only. They are a global inspiration, yes but they are also representing their country, who is representing this country?

To reveal or not to reveal…

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photo credit: google.

Oh internet, the mother of insanity, beauty and all that is strange and naked in the world. Thou art troublesome. You know those days when you happen to scroll through your phone and boom! All of a sudden you need to wash out your eyes because you saw a naked person on your feed. Why or maybe why not? Is it wrong, is it not? Should or shouldn’t it be on the net? You see, the best thing about the Internet is that through the use of social media we can express ourselves and establish our personal brand. We are seen and heard. However some people become a bit extreme in expressing themselves.

Not everyone is comfortable seeing someone else’s junk but some are happy to share. My question is: when is it too much and when is it enough? When is it artistic and when does it delve in the world of the naked, the world of…dare I say it? The world of porn. Is it the same? Let’s come to this issue of pornography, many porn actors are shown nude most of the time, with little or no clothing at all and society used to reject this form of depiction, calling it a taboo but now being naked on social media is not frowned upon like before, in fact it’s a trend, its self expression. What changed?

Being in the nude is not only for porn actors now, many celebrities post racy pictures on their accounts and due to that a lot of people follow the trend. I mean if Kim Kardashian can show off her ‘assets’ then why not the average Joe? We choose what we want to do. What others find distasteful, others find sexy. Its all on how a person feels. Which leads to the definition of sexy. Does sexy mean being naked? why do we post nudes? Is it pop culture, how the media portrays what sexy looks like, is it because we are so comfortable in our own skin that it really doesn’t matter what we show? What is it?

Seems like there is more to this than just being naked. We can’t really judge people on what they choose to share on the internet. The only thing that can be done about seeing nudes on your phone is to either enjoy them (hahaha) or block and scroll. The internet offers a lot of options. Whether people choose to show their privates or not is entirely up to them. If its a form of art and or self expression then good for them. Whether its the media, personal choise or whatever that makes a person post nudes, if it makes them happy then good. Maybe we the sensitive should just block and keep scrolling.