Love lost, lessons found

I was listening to Ariana Grande’s Thank u, Next. It’s quiet a catchy song but when you really listen to it, you realise that every relationship you’ve ever been in served a purpose. The song is all about Grande’s previous relationships. In the song she says “I’ve got so much love, got so much patience, learned from the pain, turned out amazing…” Her choosing to see her previous relationships as lessons and reflecting on them shows that she has learned and she knows better. (Don’t worry I’m not her PR person). And I think that’s what past relationships are for. Lessons and moving on.

In all honesty this song made me realise that she might be on to something. In every relationship I’ve ever been in (and no I haven’t been in many relationships), I realised that I learned more about myself, the person I was with and what I want in my next relationship. Sure we all want a peachy relationship with roses and teddy bears but the truth is, relationships are not smooth sailing. Yes there are great moments but there are also times whereby it’s all a crapstorm (forgive the profanity). We go through love’s rollercoaster, one minute you are up and the next you are down. (Reminds me of a Katy Perry song. Sorry).

Relationships are like that, one minute it’s all love and the next minute you can’t stand each other. Either we find the one who makes it all worth it or we move on to the next. We either stick it out or ship out. When we decide to move on, it’s with ease because we’ve learned so much about ourselves and what we want from our next romance. We fix how we communicate, we don’t tolerate smoking or a person going MIA for two days, we know better. All that is because we’ve learned from our previous relationship. Had we not experienced pain, disappointment an’t other things then we wouldn’t be trying to do better.

Moral of the post
Past failed relationships serve as a compass in our present relationships. As much as we’ve been hurt and we’ve hurt others too, it still doesn’t change the fact that from our mistakes we learn. We know what to do, when to do it and who to do it with in order to have a healthy relationship. We compromise, sacrifice, communicate better, we trust and we love all because our previous relationships taught us that that’s what we lacked. Our past relationships failed because we didn’t do something or we did something. That’s why we must be greatful with the lesson learned and move on to better things.

Remember, Live , Love, Learn and be Happy.

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The unwanted teacher we all must learn from: Our past

The past is a teacher, it can be good or bad but it’s still a teacher non the less. You know not to stick your hand in the fire because you will burn, how do you know that? You once got burned. You know not to do certain things or allow certain people in your life because history has proven them to be dangerous or unnecessary for you. That’s why the past is so important, through it we learn and become better. Given all that, the past can be a prison too. Too much focus on what happened years, months or days ago can stop a person from living.

We all have a past and some than others have experienced a traumatic past. Whether it was abuse, loss of a loved one or failed choices, all those experiences teach us something. Sometimes we might not want to face our past or we try to run from it, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are lessons we should’ve learned. In failure we learn to work harder and correct our mistakes, in grief we learn to appreciate our loved ones, live life to the fullest and take time into consideration. It’s not easy but in all that happens there are lessons to be learned.

Sometimes the lesson is unwanted or vague but it’s still a lesson non the less. That’s what the past is all about. It’s about facing ourselves and coming to terms with the decisions that we’ve made. Some people become prisoner to the past because they don’t want to face what happened to them and in doing so, they give power to the ghosts of the past. By ghosts of the past I mean a single mistake from the past can come back to haunt you in the future and ruin all that you’ve worked hard for simply because you couldn’t face it and forgive yourself.

Reflecting on the past gives us a chance to do better. Looking back at your life gives you the chance to reflect on all you have done, the good, the bad, the should’ve and and the could’ve. When you go back to the past it should be to see what you could’ve done better and then do it. It’s not to look at what you could’ve done better and start hating yourself and the world because you made some bad choices. In looking at the past, you look for direction. You know that the road you took back then lead to a thorny, sinking blackhole and now you take a different route.

When you take a different route and let the past teach you, you empower and free yourself. The past can’t hold you back. However if you keep making the same mistakes then you ultimately become a prisoner of that mistake, you don’t do better and keep running. When you run away from your past, you end up trapping yourself and risk losing important things and people in your life. It all depends on how you look at the past. It can either teach you or break you. How you look at it determines your way forward in life. I say choose to see it as a teacher.

We choose how we react to situations. We can’t control them but we choose how we react to them. That’s why we need to face the past head on and keep moving. Hiding skeletons can cause a lot more damage than we intend. That’s why we shouldn’t let secrets, bad memories, choices and circumstances we couldn’t control imprison us. We must learn from all that. Another thing to do is to also forgive ourselves for all that happened. forgive ourselves, make peace and then thank ourselves. Thank ourselves for mistakes that turned into lessons which made us better.

Moral of the post
We all have a past. We’ve all made mistakes and done things we are not proud of but that’s life. Life doesn’t come with a manual. There are no instructions on how to live a perfect life and no maps on which route to take to a blameless and mistake free life. We just wing it as we go along. That’s why we have the past to reflect on. The past teaches us and we must take the lesson as we go along. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, I’m saying it’s going to be worth it. We must face our past, learn from it and then forgive ourselves. We shouldn’t be hard on ourselves for things we’ve done when we didn’t know better. Instead we must forgive ourselves and be greatful for all we’ve been through and keep going forward.

Remember, live, love, learn and be happy.

I’m scared that I’m giving up.

Part of writing this blog for me is also facing my fears and coming to terms with certain situations in my life. I’ve been unemployed for a while now and lately I’ve been receiving negative news a lot. I won’t lie, this has been discouraging me for a while and I sometimes feel a bit depressed. I look at my experiences and qualifications and think: why not me? Why am I not being picked and all that and it’s been taking a toll on me. I sometimes even think of giving up. Why shouldn’t l? Its not like things are going my way.

We all go through that right? We all get these moments when we feel sad for ourselves. When things don’t go our way we want to quit. We only see the negative things around us and sometimes they are overwhelming. It’s hard to find the positive in situations whereby your bursary application has been declined, job application, university application and even downloading applications gets declined. It’s hard to see the silver lining when you are in the middle of a storm. Rejection makes us want to give up.

I’m scared that I want to give up. I’m scared that when I do give up I’m going to feel sorry for myself and blame the world for all my decisions and misfortune. Isn’t that what usually happens anyway? A person gives up on anything and then spiral into a deep depression, throw a pity party and blame the world for their misery. Nope, I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to become a burden. You know as I type this I realise that I feel like giving up but the thought of giving up scares me.

Honestly, hope of getting that job I want is what gets me up in the morning. I look at myself and my family and think this can’t be it. That’s because deep down I know that there is more for me out there. I guess as human beings, hope is what gets us up in the morning and is the reason why we keep doing the things we do for the betterment of our lives, because we know and we can feel that there is more that life has to offer. There is more for us out there and that alone is enough for us to keep pushing and not giving up.

Giving up is so easy and tempting. Sometimes situations trick us into believing that things are worse than they seem. A few job rejection letters can make you feel like you are not good enough and no one will hire you, that bursary rejection note can make you feel like you will never get to further your studies and in those moments all you see is negativity.The saddest thing about all that is that giving up is so easy that all you have to do is quit. Quitting takes away all the pain of rejection but quitting comes with regret.

I’ve thought about it and again, the price for giving up seems too great. What if at that very moment that I decide to give up, I miss an interview with one of the companies I want to be a part of? What if you give up on something and yet you are so close to its break through? It’s not easy nor is it fun to keep getting rejected but maybe that means you and I should reflect on what we have been doing for so long and try to change the formula. As I write this I’m not only writing for you but I’m also talking to myself. I can’t give up. I just can’t.

Moral of the post
Giving up is easy. You don’t have to do much, all you have to do is just stop. Stop doing all that you have been doing, stop loading data or getting up in the morning to look for a job, stop looking and applying for college or university. Just stop. However when you do, you must be prepared for a life of sadness, depression and regret. It’s normal to feel like giving up when things don’t go our way but that doesn’t mean we should. When things don’t go our way, we must keep pushing. It won’t be winter all year, seasons change and one day it will be summer.

Remember, Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

What your fear is doing to you

My teacher once asked me what my biggest fear in life was and I said failure. No, I didn’t mean failing tests or grades, I meant failure as in failure to be anything or achieve anything in life. Side note, my classmates looked at me like I was crazy because ‘normal’ people are scared of snakes, heights and all that is visible and rational. Oh yeah, back to the post: I carried this for a long time and looking back, I realise that fear of failure held me back. I know I’m not the only one with a fear people think is irrational and crazy but that’s what fear is: it’s irrational and crazy.

It’s sad because I let fear of failure stop me from doing anything in life. I don’t know how to swim and I’m scared I’ll fail at it so I don’t go near any swimming pool. I’m good with people and crowds but I didn’t engage with people because I was scared that I wouldn’t sound smart or wouldn’t fit in so I became a loner. Everything I didn’t do or had fear of doing, I didn’t do because I didn’t want to be bad at it or fail at it. Looking back now I realise that I let a lot of things pass me by and I didn’t live to the fullest because I was scared I wouldn’t be good at it. I locked myself up in a prison of fear.

If you (whoever is reading this) would look at my blog record you’d see that I started this blog in 2015 but the amount of posts I have don’t show that and the reason is because I was scared no one would read my posts, no one would comment or I didn’t know what I was talking about. I was scared and writing this post now I realise that I held myself back. Truth is, had I faced my fears head on then I’d be better by now. I’d be a better writer, I’d have more followers and honestly I would’ve faced my fear a long time ago. I guess I had to see now, how this fear of failure paralysed me.

Fear, any fear is a prison. We lock ourselves up in fear of the unknown that we don’t reach our full potential and we stop living. This blog for me is just one foot out of that prison. If I didn’t fear failure maybe I would’ve achieved more than I know, maybe my life wouldn’t be the way it is and maybe a lot of things. I can’t know for sure because I gave into fear and I’m not the only one. Fear stops us from progress really, we get scared of falling in love, of having fun, of starting something because we are afraid it won’t work but the sad truth is that not doing anything is the worst form of punishment.

Fear feeds off itself. If you become too afraid to do anything then you are not going to do anything in life. You won’t know love, you won’t write anything, you won’t get to climb the highest mountain. Another thing about fear is that it leads to regrets. You end up living a life filled with bitterness and regret because you couldn’t master up the courage to just do it (I think I’m in love with the Nike slogan now more than ever). You end up resenting other people and being bitter about their success for doing what you should’ve done but didn’t because you were too afraid.

Moral of the post
We all have fears but that doesn’t mean we should let fear rule our lives. Fear stops us from living and reaching our full potential. It steals from us and if we continue to lock ourselves in the prison of fear then we stop ourselves from reaching our goals. We end up resenting others and being bitter because they are doing what we could do if we weren’t so scared. So we must find the courage to face our fears if we want to live lives without regret.

Remember live, love, learn and be happy

ONCE YOU START, DON’T GIVE UP

An awesome thing about a new year is all its promises. The new year presents us with a chance to start over, live better, budget, go to the gym, quit smoking and even find love amongst other things. We make new years resolutions because we want more from ourselves and the year. We want more from life. We make plans because we’ve learned from the previous year on what to do and the new year gives us the opportunity to show all that. That’s why the beginning of a new year is so awesome, it’s like being given a second chance and with that, we have hope, chance and possibilities.

As much as the new year brings with it many possibilities, it also comes with challenges. You see, the toughest thing about starting over, making plans and resolutions is maintaining them and being consistent. When the year starts we are motivated but a few weeks or months down the line we are back to eating junk food instead of going to the gym, we stopped working on that company we started and give up on other things. The thing is, as the year goes, we realise that it’s just another year, its not very different from the previous one and lose motivation.

Lack of motivation and consistency are two of the toughest challenges in doing anything productive in life. However, they are just challenges and challenges don’t mean we give up and let go. They mean we have to be strong, consistent and not give up. Truth is, we won’t be full of energy and motivated everyday but we must keep pushing. We need to motivate ourselves when we feel like we can’t go on any more. It’s very easy to give up on something, the challenge is to not give up. We have to learn to take the good with the bad, the easy with the hard and the sweet with the bitter.

When we realise and accept that challenges are a part of life then things become a bit easier. Challenges teach us more about ourselves, they show us our strengths, weaknesses and teach us how to do better and find solutions. Once we realise all this and continue with gym, that company we started or anything we planned to do then it becomes easier to go on and even fighting for it. We need to fight for it to survive. It can be a relationship, a business, a blog, a company, anything really. We have to stay motivated, face challenges and have fun.

If we are not having fun then all of it is pointless. We should enjoy the process. We shouldn’t feel trapped, angry and bitter when we do something. Those feelings either mean we don’t want to do whatever it is we are doing and they are a recipe for giving up. If we don’t like what we are doing and don’t have the motivation to do it then it’s pointless to do it. Of course there are times when we will feel like giving up but that’s what passion and motivation are for. It’s not easy to give up on something that you love and when you are motivated to do it then it becomes easier and worth it.

Moral of the post:
The year has just begun and with it comes a lot of possibilities and opportunities. Grab those opportunities and make the best of them as you go along. Yes, you will stumble along the way and face challenges but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. The best thing you can do is to remain consistent and motivated. Do things you love and enjoy, don’t pressure yourself and no matter what, keep going.

Live, Love, Learn and be Happy

LESSONS FROM 2018

When the year ends we always focus on what could’ve been or what should’ve happened. We usually sum up the end of a year with all the bad things that happened to us and rarely look at the good too. I’m saying this because I’m also guilty of it. I found myself reflecting on 2018 as the worst year ever but in truth so was 2017,2016 and so on and so forth. The truth is every year has its challenges and that’s what life is, life is about challenges.

I found myself looking at all the people and things I lost, missed opportunities, things I could’ve done better and how I let myself down. I kept on beating myself up over all that and I know I’m not alone in this. Every year we make resolutions and have all these expectations but when things don’t go our way we sulk, give up and close the year off as the worst.

In truth no one can say they’ve had the best year, they just managed to make the best of the year and that’s what we should do. Take each day as it comes, live, learn and move on.

Yes 2018 was a tough year but it was also a good year in its own way. I learned a lot in 2018 and I’d like to share what I learned with you.

1. NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.

It can be pain, happiness, loss, change or whatever you are going through. It doesn’t last forever. Situations come and go, seasons change, we cry and we laugh, we lose and we gain. It’s all a part of life. It’s not permanent, so you must experience it, live it and and learn from it.

2. THERE IS A LESSON SOMEWHERE

When something bad happens we always cry and shut down but that shouldn’t always be the case. Sometimes there is a lesson in situations we go through and all we need to is open our eyes and try to find the lesson in whatever we are going through.

3. ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD SOMETIMES

I bet even Batman feels lousy once in a while. Nobody is perfect and we need to understand that. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, emotional or any negative emotion out there. Life gets us down and it will get us down so it’s okay to feel bad. You can’t be jolly and full of smiles when you fail an exam or find out your puppy died. Feel whatever emotion you are going through and after all that pull yourself together.

4. SOMETIMES A LOSS ISN’T A LOSS

I know it doesn’t make sense but trust me, sometimes a loss is a gain. Losing bad friends is not a loss, letting go of toxic relationships and people in life is not a loss, losing anything that doesn’t benefit you is not a loss at all. It’s all good, you gained something. You might not feel like it but letting go of bad things will do you good.

5. YOU ARE YOUR OWN HINDRANCE

I won’t get much into this because our situations are not the same but sometimes the end result is always the same. Sometimes you want to try something or go somewhere but you can’t because you have mixed feelings or you are not too sure or you are scared and you experience all those emotions that stop you from actually doing something. That’s you stopping yourself from living and possibly your breakthrough, stop self doubting and just go with it.

6. COMFORT IS DANGEROUS

Being too comfortable in any situation is dangerous because it can stop you from doing anything. You get so comfortable in a situation that you don’t see when it’s detrimental. Get out of your comfort zone and you will achieve many things. You can never lose anything because it’s all about learning.

7. MOVE ON

There is no point in focusing on the past and what should’ve or could’ve been. If it happened, it happened and if it didn’t then it didn’t so move on and stop holding on to ghosts of the past.

8. SET REALISTIC GOALS

It’s awesome to have goals, goals are why we get up in the morning. We aspire to be someone, we hope to achieve something, we want to amount to something and we can only do so with goals. Goals help us achieve our dreams, so that’s why they must be realistic. You can’t wake up in the morning and say your goal is to be a different race. That’s just insane. Set goals that you can and will achieve, set goals that are realistic and will get you to where you want to be in life.

9. IT’S OKAY TO BE SELFISH

I always say this to my friends, it’s okay to be selfish with yourself, time and emotion. Sometimes you need to invest in yourself, take time out just for you to focus on you. It’s okay to want to be alone and focus on your career or hobby or whatever really. You don’t have to please everyone.

10. LOVE YOURSELF TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

I can’t stress this enough, LOVE YOURSELF. It doesn’t matter whether you are big or small, fat or thin, whether you have scars or not or whether you are rich or poor. Nobody is ever going to love you as much as you love yourself so you might as well do it and do it to the fullest.

Happy 2019.

Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.