Get your cup of coffee in hand, it’s story time. I’ve lived a very complex life, not hard but also not a bed of roses. All my life I’ve been the “perfect kid”. I’m 23 by the way. I don’t party, don’t drink and smoke. Don’t do much risk taking either. Always been an A student, did things by the book and always carried the tittle of “perfect kid”. I was always told that I’m going to excell and do great in life, get my family out of poverty and become an example to my siblings. All my life I had that, that’s what was expected of me and I guess I did alright given the circumstances. I was always told what to do. I never allowed myself to make mistakes because I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
For a long time I did what was expected of me and not what I wanted. I followed rules, stayed in school and became the ‘perfect daughter’. I guess it’s not all bad but somewhere I forgot how to be myself. In all that, I stopped living my life and lived a life everyone wanted. I did everything to make everyone happy and in doing so, I forsake my own happiness. I forgot about me. Going through all that I lost bits of myself and I became everything everyone wanted and needed but I didn’t become me. I didn’t become what I wanted and what I needed myself to be. I built a prison for myself and its been very hard trying to escape. If I do manage to escape then what do I escape to? Who do I become?
Does that sound familiar? You’ve lived your life the way everyone expects you to, you’ve become a puppet and you can’t control your own strings because you don’t know how. You don’t know where to start or how to even start because you don’t know yourself anymore. You don’t know your needs and it’s hard because the image you’ve had of yourself and the facade you’ve lived all your life is slowly crumbling and you don’t know what to do. That’s where I am. If that’s where you are then you are not alone. It’s hard finding your way and trying to do things for yourself because you don’t want to dissapoint anyone but the sad reality is that you are disappointing yourself.
Why is it so hard to just be yourself? Is it because you don’t know who you are, is it because you are scared of what you might be or is it because you don’t want to dissapoint your loved ones? It’s hard to carry all that as a person. Trust me I understand. It’s hard living a double life, a lie because you end up blaming others and resenting them for your choices. “If my dad didn’t force me to study this then I would’ve studied what I wanted, If my mom didn’t force me to get married then I would’ve focused on my career, if I hadn’t listened to my sister and put the family first then this wouldn’t have happened”, does that sound familiar? Sad truth is that it happened and you have to deal with it.
Here’s a crazy idea, speak out. Speak for yourself. Be true to who you are. Allow yourself to go on a journey where you will be able to look at the direction your life is taking and reflect on it. Try to find yourself. It’s not easy trust me. I’m going through it now and I can’t clearly see the path but living a life filled with regret and resenting those around me isn’t the life I’m willing to live. Finding your voice, finding yourself and doing what you love is very important in life. If you can’t speak out for yourself, you don’t know who you are and your life is filled with misery then you are doomed. It’s not an easy journey to take, the one of self discovery but it’s one we should all take to have a happy life.
Moral of the post
You only live once, so live your life the best way you want to, the best way you know how. Don’t live to please people at the expense of your happiness but make sure that you come first. You matter, your dreams and opinions matter and so they should be heard. If you let people take your voice away from you, they will end up taking all of you and you will end up living a life filled with anger and regret. Don’t live for anyone. Live for yourself.
Remember, Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.