Sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly, we become too hard on ourselves and we forget that we are not perfect, we are just human. We tend to expect a lot from ourselves and when we don’t meet our expectations we judge ourselves and see ourselves as failures.
Sometimes we just need to breathe and acknowledge the fact that we stuff up and that’s part of life. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We go through situations-major emphasis on through. We don’t only stay in bad situations but we go through them. Maybe we don’t emerge victorious but we get life lessons and maybe that’s why we go through certain things. I recently started feeling like a failure because I couldn’t find the job I studied for. That knocked down my confidence and I started feeling crappy about myself. I won’t lie I sometimes still do but what’s important is how I emerge from all this and the lessons I’ve learned. I realized that if I can’t get the job I want then I might as well create the job I want and that’s starting to give me satisfaction. Now, had I stayed in that state of mind that I failed myself and those around me then I wouldn’t have had the courage to do something about it. I’m teaching myself to look at the ‘beyond’ of a situation. It’s not easy but it makes life worthwhile.
Maybe that’s what we should do, instead of beating ourselves up we must just cry ( yes I said cry or even scream or whatever that makes you feel better) and after crying we must wipe those tears and look beyond what we see. Obviously you won’t cry and then boom! everything is magically all right. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes acceptance.
I had to accept my situation in order to be able to face it and get out of it. I respect recovering addicts. It takes a lot to admit that you have a problem and then do something about it instead of just beating yourself up over and over again.
The first step is admitting that you messed up or that you were defeated in whatever it is. Then accepting that it is painful or rather acknowledge the pain and go through all sorts of emotions. It’s okay to cry, it actually takes guts to allow yourself to feel emotional. It doesn’t matter which emotion. After acknowledging the problem and the pain, you sit down and look at the situation and what it’s saying to you or about you. You then listen and you learn. After all that you start over at a different angle and you do better. You need to tell yourself that it’s okay to mess up but what matters is how you pick yourself up and clean the mess.
You are human, not a robot so you are bound to make mistakes and lose things in life, it’s part of the journey. It happens. Life has no manual or no chip that gets implanted in others so that they have it all figured out. No one has it figured out but it’s all on how they look at the situation. I’ve yet to meet someone who says they’ve figured it out. Not even your pastor (no disrespect). Life has a way of tripping us, sometimes I think it’s because it wants to see how strong we are and how we react to situations but I know for a fact that mostly it is to teach us something.
You don’t hit or cuss a baby out for falling off a bicycle, either you push them or you buy them training wheels. So why do you hurt yourself by judging yourself and telling yourself that you are stupid or weak for falling off. Why not get training wheels? Why not ask for help? It’s okay to fall off. All that matters is how you emerge after falling off. You can either judge yourself or you can look for a better alternative. It’s all up to you.