Love lost, lessons found

I was listening to Ariana Grande’s Thank u, Next. It’s quiet a catchy song but when you really listen to it, you realise that every relationship you’ve ever been in served a purpose. The song is all about Grande’s previous relationships. In the song she says “I’ve got so much love, got so much patience, learned from the pain, turned out amazing…” Her choosing to see her previous relationships as lessons and reflecting on them shows that she has learned and she knows better. (Don’t worry I’m not her PR person). And I think that’s what past relationships are for. Lessons and moving on.

In all honesty this song made me realise that she might be on to something. In every relationship I’ve ever been in (and no I haven’t been in many relationships), I realised that I learned more about myself, the person I was with and what I want in my next relationship. Sure we all want a peachy relationship with roses and teddy bears but the truth is, relationships are not smooth sailing. Yes there are great moments but there are also times whereby it’s all a crapstorm (forgive the profanity). We go through love’s rollercoaster, one minute you are up and the next you are down. (Reminds me of a Katy Perry song. Sorry).

Relationships are like that, one minute it’s all love and the next minute you can’t stand each other. Either we find the one who makes it all worth it or we move on to the next. We either stick it out or ship out. When we decide to move on, it’s with ease because we’ve learned so much about ourselves and what we want from our next romance. We fix how we communicate, we don’t tolerate smoking or a person going MIA for two days, we know better. All that is because we’ve learned from our previous relationship. Had we not experienced pain, disappointment an’t other things then we wouldn’t be trying to do better.

Moral of the post
Past failed relationships serve as a compass in our present relationships. As much as we’ve been hurt and we’ve hurt others too, it still doesn’t change the fact that from our mistakes we learn. We know what to do, when to do it and who to do it with in order to have a healthy relationship. We compromise, sacrifice, communicate better, we trust and we love all because our previous relationships taught us that that’s what we lacked. Our past relationships failed because we didn’t do something or we did something. That’s why we must be greatful with the lesson learned and move on to better things.

Remember, Live , Love, Learn and be Happy.

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LESSONS FROM 2018

When the year ends we always focus on what could’ve been or what should’ve happened. We usually sum up the end of a year with all the bad things that happened to us and rarely look at the good too. I’m saying this because I’m also guilty of it. I found myself reflecting on 2018 as the worst year ever but in truth so was 2017,2016 and so on and so forth. The truth is every year has its challenges and that’s what life is, life is about challenges.

I found myself looking at all the people and things I lost, missed opportunities, things I could’ve done better and how I let myself down. I kept on beating myself up over all that and I know I’m not alone in this. Every year we make resolutions and have all these expectations but when things don’t go our way we sulk, give up and close the year off as the worst.

In truth no one can say they’ve had the best year, they just managed to make the best of the year and that’s what we should do. Take each day as it comes, live, learn and move on.

Yes 2018 was a tough year but it was also a good year in its own way. I learned a lot in 2018 and I’d like to share what I learned with you.

1. NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.

It can be pain, happiness, loss, change or whatever you are going through. It doesn’t last forever. Situations come and go, seasons change, we cry and we laugh, we lose and we gain. It’s all a part of life. It’s not permanent, so you must experience it, live it and and learn from it.

2. THERE IS A LESSON SOMEWHERE

When something bad happens we always cry and shut down but that shouldn’t always be the case. Sometimes there is a lesson in situations we go through and all we need to is open our eyes and try to find the lesson in whatever we are going through.

3. ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD SOMETIMES

I bet even Batman feels lousy once in a while. Nobody is perfect and we need to understand that. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, emotional or any negative emotion out there. Life gets us down and it will get us down so it’s okay to feel bad. You can’t be jolly and full of smiles when you fail an exam or find out your puppy died. Feel whatever emotion you are going through and after all that pull yourself together.

4. SOMETIMES A LOSS ISN’T A LOSS

I know it doesn’t make sense but trust me, sometimes a loss is a gain. Losing bad friends is not a loss, letting go of toxic relationships and people in life is not a loss, losing anything that doesn’t benefit you is not a loss at all. It’s all good, you gained something. You might not feel like it but letting go of bad things will do you good.

5. YOU ARE YOUR OWN HINDRANCE

I won’t get much into this because our situations are not the same but sometimes the end result is always the same. Sometimes you want to try something or go somewhere but you can’t because you have mixed feelings or you are not too sure or you are scared and you experience all those emotions that stop you from actually doing something. That’s you stopping yourself from living and possibly your breakthrough, stop self doubting and just go with it.

6. COMFORT IS DANGEROUS

Being too comfortable in any situation is dangerous because it can stop you from doing anything. You get so comfortable in a situation that you don’t see when it’s detrimental. Get out of your comfort zone and you will achieve many things. You can never lose anything because it’s all about learning.

7. MOVE ON

There is no point in focusing on the past and what should’ve or could’ve been. If it happened, it happened and if it didn’t then it didn’t so move on and stop holding on to ghosts of the past.

8. SET REALISTIC GOALS

It’s awesome to have goals, goals are why we get up in the morning. We aspire to be someone, we hope to achieve something, we want to amount to something and we can only do so with goals. Goals help us achieve our dreams, so that’s why they must be realistic. You can’t wake up in the morning and say your goal is to be a different race. That’s just insane. Set goals that you can and will achieve, set goals that are realistic and will get you to where you want to be in life.

9. IT’S OKAY TO BE SELFISH

I always say this to my friends, it’s okay to be selfish with yourself, time and emotion. Sometimes you need to invest in yourself, take time out just for you to focus on you. It’s okay to want to be alone and focus on your career or hobby or whatever really. You don’t have to please everyone.

10. LOVE YOURSELF TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

I can’t stress this enough, LOVE YOURSELF. It doesn’t matter whether you are big or small, fat or thin, whether you have scars or not or whether you are rich or poor. Nobody is ever going to love you as much as you love yourself so you might as well do it and do it to the fullest.

Happy 2019.

Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.