The battle against addiction

Addiction, addiction, addiction. Saying it out loud does not make it go away. I don’t know why I did that. Addiction is the kryptonite to Superman, it’s a weakness.That thing is a menace. It’s trouble, it’s the devil, it’s nonsense and in all honesty it usually seems like the only way out. No matter how strong you are or how wealthy you are, if you are an addict then you have a problem. Nobody wants to admit that they have a problem and that only makes matters worse. It’s not easy coming out to people and actually admitting that there are certain urges you can’t control or you can’t go a day without something because that means opening up to people and it means opening up to being judged.

Let’s be real for a second, if a person comes out to you and says they are a chocolate addict, you are going to brush it off and think ‘oh that’s cute, it’s a cool addiction’ but if a person were to come to you and say they are a sex or a porn addict then your response would be different. People with addictions or addicts rather are looked at and treated differently. If you lose 50 bucks near a coke addict you automatically think that they stole your money but you won’t think the same thing about the chocolate addict. I know these two addictions are different but if you looked at them with honesty then you’d realise that they are the same. Addiction is addiction, whether acceptable or not.

Addiction is not easy and yes I’m writing from somewhat personal experience. It’s not easy telling people or even admitting to yourself that you are an addict and you have a problem. Like I said, being open means opening up to various comments and opinions from people who care and those who think they are immune to addiction. When all this happens, as a person with an addiction you stop wanting to see people. It’s not easy being around people and they make assumptions about you. If money goes missing, ask the coke junkie. When you tell people about your problem (yes, addiction is a huge problem) you expect them to help, understand and be there for you, not judge you.

In the beginning I said addiction sometimes seems like the only way out and that’s true. Ask any addict and you’ll realise that there is more to the story than meets the eye. Some become hooked because of grief, others because of abuse and many other reasons. See, addiction serves as a coping mechanism and the sooner people realise this the better. You don’t see it as distructive because you feel like it helps. Another reason why people become addicts is loneliness. The reason we resort to addiction is because at that moment we feel alone, useless and unwanted and being on a high gets rid of those feelings, nothing matters and nothing hurts when you are on a high.

The sad thing about addiction is that at the back of your mind, you know it’s wrong. You know you shouldn’t do it but you do and when you are done you end up feeling lousy, angry and disgusted with yourself, so to get rid of those feelings, you repeat the same thing over and over again. It’s a never ending cycle. Sometimes you feel like the only way to sustain your addiction is by doing bad things such as stealing. You steal money, equipment and even time but all that is not enough. You still feel lousy. Addiction is like that, it’s like a prison, it holds you back and keeps you enclosed. You lose yourself, your loved ones and your sense of life because nothing matters but the next high. It never stops.

The craziest thing about addiction is that it never makes sense, it’s never rational. It plays mind tricks and never lets you go. I read somewhere that quitting is easy and the hardest thing is staying clean. I thought that was bogus but truth is, you can pour out bottles of alcohol down the drain but the hardest thing will be staying sober. That’s what addiction does, it takes away your will power, character and leaves you feeling like a weakling. You wonder if all you are destined to do in life is become an addict. You feel like a failure, like you can’t control your urges and that means you can’t control your life so you give up. That’s why it’s not easy admitting that you are an addict, but its a start.

Moral of the post
An addiction is a problem and like most problems it needs solutions, not scorn and gossip. It’s not easy for a person to admit that they are an addict and even if they don’t admit it, people shouldn’t judge them. No matter what the addiction is, if your loved one is an addict then they need your love, support and help.

There will be more posts about the topic of addiction. You can tell me what you think in the comment section.

Remember Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

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Letting go is not easy but sometimes it’s necessary.

Have you ever built a prison for yourself only because you were scared to do the right thing? Yeah I’ve done that too and trust me nothing good ever comes from it. I had imprisoned myself to the point whereby my life was filled with regret and resentment. What was I expecting? I created a prison myself and expected the garden of Eden with chocolate fountains and marshmallow clouds.

Why do we do that? Why do we imprison ourselves in situations that not only kill our spirit but damage who we are? I found my answer to that question and I figured it’s because we want to please others. We want to be loved, we want to be seen as noble, we want to be seen and appreciated for our efforts. Well at least that’s why I imprisoned myself in a situation. I’m not over the situation hence I can’t even write what the situation was. That’s what this thing does to you, it takes your power and makes you weak.

Imagine staying in a toxic relationship simply because the two of you have been together for too long so you can’t leave. Imagine working for a person who constantly harasses you and belittles you every chance they get. Why would you stay there ? Why would you do that to yourself? As humans we sometimes choose to endure so much pain to only destroy ourselves later.

My situation left me bitter, self hating and hating many people around me. It left me feeling alone and scared. It left me feeling ashamed of who I was or rather who I had become in the situation. We let situations doctor us so much that we even lose ourselves. Why? Why do we let that happen. I knew the situation was bad for me. Oh enough with the situation. I was in a toxic relationship. There I said it. So much better. I knew at some point that the relationship had turned sour, it had changed and I wasn’t happy but still I stayed. Why? Don’t ask me why , I made excuses for the person and told myself that it would get better. But what was better? What was better than my own happiness, my own self respect? Its amazing how we justify the bad things that happen in our lives.

We look for excuses, we make excuses and if not for ourselves then for the people involved. We tend to hope for the best even when the situation on its own is bad. We always say what if even when there is no better alternative . I don’t know why I stayed but I know that at the time staying was the only option I thought I had. I wasn’t threatened to stay, I wasn’t stuck to the person by glue and I wasn’t going to die had I left but it felt like it was the only option I had. I had imprisoned myself so much so that I was the prisoner and the warden at the same time. I had sentenced myself to misery and pain. The sad part of it all is that I knew I had to leave, I knew I wasn’t happy and there was a small voice telling me to let go and it will all work out but I was scared. I wasn’t scared so much about what will happen to me, no I was mostly scared of what people will say, what will happen to the person I’m with and what if I become more unhappy. I made excuses repeatedly. I let myself die repeatedly.

I know that I am not the only one who has suffered from mental imprisonment only because of fear. Sometimes we are scared to take chances, to live, to laugh, to start over. Sometimes we are scared to jump because we believe that gravity will pull us down, but what if we fly. Sometimes what you think is best at that particular time is not best for your future. We become victims of our own doing. We cry and not do anything about a situation. We don’t change it and yet we hope for the best. The best sometimes can be letting go. The feeling of freedom. The will to live again, to smile without fear. To just be happy.

I left my relationship and now I can proudly say that I am happy. I don’t have any regrets and I love myself. I’m happy with who I am. I don’t have to please anyone but myself. I have peace. That’s what comes with making decisions for yourself, you find love and peace. You find happiness. You are not scared to look in the mirror anymore. You are content. I understand the fear of letting go because you don’t know what’s on the other side but the truth is it can’t be worse than a mental prison you have created for yourself. Letting go is never easy but sometimes it’s necessary. It’s necessary when you want to be happy, when you want to start over. Living at the mercy of someone or something is not life. Its prison. You become a shadow of what and who you used to be. So from a former prisoner to someone who want to be happy I say it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to be scared but it’s not okay to let a situation dictate your life and make you unhappy. You can free yourself, all you have to do is say yes to your inner voice. Listen to it and do what’s best for you.