How do you get over your ex?

I’ve read those articles on how to get over your ex and they all read the same. You have to move onto a new flame to get over your ex, get closure, stop talking to them and all that but they didn’t help me much. I got out of a relationship a long time ago and truth is it’s not easy getting over someone, especially when you’ve been together for a long time. Everything around reminds you of them, every song you hear, watching movies is not the same without them, even you favourite meal doesn’t taste the same without them. I know, so corny but it’s the truth. How do you get over and past all that?

Here’s what happened, I was watching a movie and not even half way through it, I was bored. My flame and…I mean, my ex and I used to watch movies just to analyse them. We would critique the lighting, acting, setting and all those things. So today I found myself doing it in my head and all those memories came flooding back in. I wasn’t ready for that I won’t lie. Watching movies was our thing but now then that there is no ‘us’ anymore, things we used to do together serve as a bitter sweet memory. It took everything in me to not call and say ‘hey, guess what I just did…’ because I couldn’t.

That’s normal after a break up right? Something will remind you of your ex and instead of calling them, you sit there with your pride because you can’t do it. It’s like there’s this imaginary or universal law that says you can’t do certain things. You can’t call or hang out with your ex. But truth is, you can actually call you ex and hang out with them even though your pride will stop you. It stopped me too so, I’m not judging. So, as I went through a hurricane of confusing feelings and emotions, I realised that I might still be into my ex. However, the problem is that I don’t want all these feelings back.

The problem with memory is that once it’s sparked, you remember all the good and loving things that happened and all the quarrels, lies and pain seem to have never happened. You only focus on the rainbows and butterflies. I know I did. Sadly we can’t help it. Once you get on the train to sweet memory-Ville, it’s hard to get off. It just happens. Now what do you do when you want those memories to stop (I know you can’t erase them because they are a part of you), but what do you do to really get over someone. How long does it take? How do you stop yourself from going back?

Moral of the post.
Today’s post is as much a reflection as it is a question. How do you get over a past loved one and how do you stop your memory of them from taking over your reality? Comments are appreciated.

Remember, Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

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Love lost, lessons found

I was listening to Ariana Grande’s Thank u, Next. It’s quiet a catchy song but when you really listen to it, you realise that every relationship you’ve ever been in served a purpose. The song is all about Grande’s previous relationships. In the song she says “I’ve got so much love, got so much patience, learned from the pain, turned out amazing…” Her choosing to see her previous relationships as lessons and reflecting on them shows that she has learned and she knows better. (Don’t worry I’m not her PR person). And I think that’s what past relationships are for. Lessons and moving on.

In all honesty this song made me realise that she might be on to something. In every relationship I’ve ever been in (and no I haven’t been in many relationships), I realised that I learned more about myself, the person I was with and what I want in my next relationship. Sure we all want a peachy relationship with roses and teddy bears but the truth is, relationships are not smooth sailing. Yes there are great moments but there are also times whereby it’s all a crapstorm (forgive the profanity). We go through love’s rollercoaster, one minute you are up and the next you are down. (Reminds me of a Katy Perry song. Sorry).

Relationships are like that, one minute it’s all love and the next minute you can’t stand each other. Either we find the one who makes it all worth it or we move on to the next. We either stick it out or ship out. When we decide to move on, it’s with ease because we’ve learned so much about ourselves and what we want from our next romance. We fix how we communicate, we don’t tolerate smoking or a person going MIA for two days, we know better. All that is because we’ve learned from our previous relationship. Had we not experienced pain, disappointment an’t other things then we wouldn’t be trying to do better.

Moral of the post
Past failed relationships serve as a compass in our present relationships. As much as we’ve been hurt and we’ve hurt others too, it still doesn’t change the fact that from our mistakes we learn. We know what to do, when to do it and who to do it with in order to have a healthy relationship. We compromise, sacrifice, communicate better, we trust and we love all because our previous relationships taught us that that’s what we lacked. Our past relationships failed because we didn’t do something or we did something. That’s why we must be greatful with the lesson learned and move on to better things.

Remember, Live , Love, Learn and be Happy.