How do you get over your ex?

I’ve read those articles on how to get over your ex and they all read the same. You have to move onto a new flame to get over your ex, get closure, stop talking to them and all that but they didn’t help me much. I got out of a relationship a long time ago and truth is it’s not easy getting over someone, especially when you’ve been together for a long time. Everything around reminds you of them, every song you hear, watching movies is not the same without them, even you favourite meal doesn’t taste the same without them. I know, so corny but it’s the truth. How do you get over and past all that?

Here’s what happened, I was watching a movie and not even half way through it, I was bored. My flame and…I mean, my ex and I used to watch movies just to analyse them. We would critique the lighting, acting, setting and all those things. So today I found myself doing it in my head and all those memories came flooding back in. I wasn’t ready for that I won’t lie. Watching movies was our thing but now then that there is no ‘us’ anymore, things we used to do together serve as a bitter sweet memory. It took everything in me to not call and say ‘hey, guess what I just did…’ because I couldn’t.

That’s normal after a break up right? Something will remind you of your ex and instead of calling them, you sit there with your pride because you can’t do it. It’s like there’s this imaginary or universal law that says you can’t do certain things. You can’t call or hang out with your ex. But truth is, you can actually call you ex and hang out with them even though your pride will stop you. It stopped me too so, I’m not judging. So, as I went through a hurricane of confusing feelings and emotions, I realised that I might still be into my ex. However, the problem is that I don’t want all these feelings back.

The problem with memory is that once it’s sparked, you remember all the good and loving things that happened and all the quarrels, lies and pain seem to have never happened. You only focus on the rainbows and butterflies. I know I did. Sadly we can’t help it. Once you get on the train to sweet memory-Ville, it’s hard to get off. It just happens. Now what do you do when you want those memories to stop (I know you can’t erase them because they are a part of you), but what do you do to really get over someone. How long does it take? How do you stop yourself from going back?

Moral of the post.
Today’s post is as much a reflection as it is a question. How do you get over a past loved one and how do you stop your memory of them from taking over your reality? Comments are appreciated.

Remember, Live, Love, Learn and be Happy.

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The unwanted teacher we all must learn from: Our past

The past is a teacher, it can be good or bad but it’s still a teacher non the less. You know not to stick your hand in the fire because you will burn, how do you know that? You once got burned. You know not to do certain things or allow certain people in your life because history has proven them to be dangerous or unnecessary for you. That’s why the past is so important, through it we learn and become better. Given all that, the past can be a prison too. Too much focus on what happened years, months or days ago can stop a person from living.

We all have a past and some than others have experienced a traumatic past. Whether it was abuse, loss of a loved one or failed choices, all those experiences teach us something. Sometimes we might not want to face our past or we try to run from it, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are lessons we should’ve learned. In failure we learn to work harder and correct our mistakes, in grief we learn to appreciate our loved ones, live life to the fullest and take time into consideration. It’s not easy but in all that happens there are lessons to be learned.

Sometimes the lesson is unwanted or vague but it’s still a lesson non the less. That’s what the past is all about. It’s about facing ourselves and coming to terms with the decisions that we’ve made. Some people become prisoner to the past because they don’t want to face what happened to them and in doing so, they give power to the ghosts of the past. By ghosts of the past I mean a single mistake from the past can come back to haunt you in the future and ruin all that you’ve worked hard for simply because you couldn’t face it and forgive yourself.

Reflecting on the past gives us a chance to do better. Looking back at your life gives you the chance to reflect on all you have done, the good, the bad, the should’ve and and the could’ve. When you go back to the past it should be to see what you could’ve done better and then do it. It’s not to look at what you could’ve done better and start hating yourself and the world because you made some bad choices. In looking at the past, you look for direction. You know that the road you took back then lead to a thorny, sinking blackhole and now you take a different route.

When you take a different route and let the past teach you, you empower and free yourself. The past can’t hold you back. However if you keep making the same mistakes then you ultimately become a prisoner of that mistake, you don’t do better and keep running. When you run away from your past, you end up trapping yourself and risk losing important things and people in your life. It all depends on how you look at the past. It can either teach you or break you. How you look at it determines your way forward in life. I say choose to see it as a teacher.

We choose how we react to situations. We can’t control them but we choose how we react to them. That’s why we need to face the past head on and keep moving. Hiding skeletons can cause a lot more damage than we intend. That’s why we shouldn’t let secrets, bad memories, choices and circumstances we couldn’t control imprison us. We must learn from all that. Another thing to do is to also forgive ourselves for all that happened. forgive ourselves, make peace and then thank ourselves. Thank ourselves for mistakes that turned into lessons which made us better.

Moral of the post
We all have a past. We’ve all made mistakes and done things we are not proud of but that’s life. Life doesn’t come with a manual. There are no instructions on how to live a perfect life and no maps on which route to take to a blameless and mistake free life. We just wing it as we go along. That’s why we have the past to reflect on. The past teaches us and we must take the lesson as we go along. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, I’m saying it’s going to be worth it. We must face our past, learn from it and then forgive ourselves. We shouldn’t be hard on ourselves for things we’ve done when we didn’t know better. Instead we must forgive ourselves and be greatful for all we’ve been through and keep going forward.

Remember, live, love, learn and be happy.